chaque jour je t’aime davantage, aujourd’hui plus qu’hier et bien moins que demain

HW

it has been 34 hours since you got on the plane… must have reached by now, but how come still no posts leh???

dance sucked today.

I am currently facing an internal struggle. And why is that so? Yes dear you are right, it’s about dance, all over again…

I know that you are leaving real soon, in fact, in less than 4 days’ time.  I know that though we have been spending weekends together, I will always have to leave for dance prac at night. This means cutting out meeting short, and i know that you are not happy about it. well, me neither.

I dunno if agreeing to help michael out with his item is the correct choice last year. he was one of the first to ask me to help him out with this item. i think he already had a concept of what he wanted to do then. it’s something about saving the earth; deforestation and how we are digging a deeper shit hole for outselves to jump into by all the senseless wastage of paper. it sounded really interesting at that point in time and he was really persuasive and nice about it. that has hence translated into less meeting time and led to bouts of unhappiness.

to be honest, i really enojoyed dancing. no, not because i can get to interact with girls or any rubbish like that. it’s cos when i am at prac, i feel relaxed, and i feel that there is really something for me to do, and life is not about dreading going to camp every morning when i open my eyes and only wish of the day is for the clock to strike 6 when i can zoom home on my bike and repeat the cycle the next day all the way till the weekend. other than looking forward to seeing you, the other thing that i look forward to each week is dance prac, and / or the supper session after that with yy and gang.

with dance, now there is prac to look forward to, more interactions with friends whom i would otherwise not see for ages, more laughter, more stupid corny comments etc.

i told myself that i will only help michael out with 1 item, the one concerning deforestation. before xmas, he told me he needed another guy for his item for exxonmobil campus concert, or emcc for short. again i gave in. just last week, fen and zhimin said they needed some more guys cos the guys they are having now are not the correct ones, and requested me and yy to help. again, i gave in, this time under peer pressure from yy. but i dun think that will really affect you as you are halfway across the globe by then. maybe involving myself in dance over the weekend can bring my mind away from you, by occupying it with something else.

you are not the only one that is against me dancing. even my mum disapproves of it. she made a hoo haa when i told her that i iwll be joining dance again in feb, purly out of concern that i will be bogged down by fatigue, which was what happened last sept. i did not tell her how i felt, nor did i express my interest for dance and hope for her understanding. instead, i just said i will take care of myself, and left it as that. maybe it is due to the inability to express myself, for at that moment in time all the words in the world left me, and my mind was a blank. i did not know how to tell her what joining dance prac meant, and how much colour it injected into my otherwise monotonous life, esp during the upcoming months which i will be spending in your absense. do not take me wrong, for i am definately not putting the blame on you. dun forget who is the one who encouraged you to go for exchange when all the problems against that seemed insurmountable.

i am not ashamed of what i am doing, but deep down, part of me hoped that you will not turn up for my performance. no it is not because the actions with my partners are too intimate for your liking, cos they are nowhere near. it is because, with someone i love amongst the audience brings pressure: the pressure to perform to my very best to show that all the meeting time sacrificed did not go to waste. and i’m not one that works well under pressure, not since i know any mistake from me would ruin the item, ruin the effort put in my all my friends, and ruin mike’s hope for a impactful message.

i think i owe you an explaination, for all the meetings abruptly cut short, for all the “not turning up online” nights and for all the disappointments. you have the right to know why you are missing out so much, and i hope this entry will make things crystal clear.

CHAQUE JOUR JE T’AIME DAVANTAGE, AUJOURD’HUI PLUS QU’HEIR ET BIEN MOINS QUE DEMAIN :)

Since this is my first post on this blog, please allow me the opportunity to say a few things :)

1) thank you dear for letting me use your blog. i just think this is a superb idea to let me communicate with you through this blog. firstly it saves money. then it saves the hazzard of having to meet / call each other online as we will have to be online at different times of the day. and lastly having a goldfish memory, i think it helps to let me write what i can remember for that day instead of telling you over the phone a few days later, when i have forgotten everything.

2) i shall prove you wrong and not use any bloody fucking vulgarities on your blog. otherwise i shall grow shorter than you.

3) please do not mind my poor grammar of refusing to make the first letter after each full stop or the name of a place / person whatsover in caps cos i simply dun give a damn.

4) if you are irritated by what you see here now and dun think you can accept, you dun have a choice cos angele will be posting here regularly as well about her life in france. if you care about her like i do, you know what to do…

5) i am too lazy to upload photos, so if you read posts written by me, you gotta have a vivid child-like imagination. As Einstein said “dun lose that child in you…”

6) i shall make point 5) easier for everyone by writing a HW at the beginning of each post from me so you can choose not to read it should you not have the necessary qualities listed in pt 5.

7) if until this point in time you still dun know what this post is about or dun understand it at all, dun bother, cos you are never going to.

8) these are all the stuff that i wanted to say in this virgin post from me. i dun care if you enjoyed it or not. nite dear!

because my luggage is quite filled up after all!

although i haven’t packed them in ziplocs.. so they pretty much take up loads of space at the moment (stuff like blankets, sleeping bags, coats are very bulky)

and because it’s winter and a -7degC at the moment (though it would be colder when i arrive), it means i can’t leave out those winter wear!! bleahh.

oh yeah, and perhaps it’s because my mum (like all mums do) gets worried and shoves loads and loads of stuff for me to bring.

and i’m still going to ikea with jess to see if we need anything else (else chopping sheet, not board as that would be too bulky and heavy)….

oh no oh no.

hmm shit. i really need to sleep. its like 0321 right now, and i still want to go to the french embassy at 0900 to collect my passport!

ironically while they are so sfficient, my 11k is still nowhere near my account. wonder what exactly are they doing. seriously.

ah well, better sleep if lest deardear gets worried :X

Goodnight! or morning! (since it’s lile 0324 now!)

p.s. dear i’ve sent you the details for the blog already!

p.p.s. i’ve allowed hanwei to have access to this blog and post entries while i’m away.. so in case you all read something very vulgar, very lame or very physics-y, it’s not me!

i’ll make this post sticky, so it will remain as the first post up here.. any newer posts will appear as the second one.

details of departure:

Changi airport terminal 3
will be at the airport at around 2359 of 22jan.

ways to contact me:

via hp:  i’ll still be keeping my sgp number, since it’s still under contract and i can’t suspend it.  i’ll get a prepaid card/calling card (heard from samuel that his friend got one from chinatown.. 10,000 minutes free! omg!) but i’ll update that later.
via skype: my username would be angelekoh, add me to do voice calls!
via msn: still the usual hotmail one.
via email: please send to gmail as it is the only mail (other than nus mail) that i check regularly, plus its file size is huuuuuuge so i don’t have to worry about the mailbox being full.
via snail mail: please email me (via gmail) for the address. it’s a confirmed address already, since i’ve received the contract. see how efficient the french side is? sighhhhh

well if you need the personal info, do email me because i won’t be posting those online :P

ps. joo, hope you enjoy your pink martini! :)

pps. deardear, go set up a skype account at skype.com ok?? that’s what the mike is for! :)

haish.

j’ai deja achete mon assurance de voyage, donc je n’ai pas les choses a faire… pour maintenant.

hmm, quelques emails a envoyer.. mais plus tard.

je suis tres fatigue par les choses a faire pour mon echange, mais je n’ai pas un choix maintenant.

mon cher est occupe avec son travail…

bleahbleah.

alors…. je besoin avoir mon dejeuner!

ok just kidding about the title. of course i would have to go.

i’ve already paid for the airfare (in full), paid for the long stay visa (also in full), hunted down the missing 11k (which might take some time to proces..but still..)

so why am i feeling this way??

gosh nx, yeah i think i do want a good good chat. haven’t really chatted with you for ages. sms me when you’re free :)

anyway went to settle our visas this morning. ben & zj had problems with their financial guarantee (because account has to be stagnant for at least 2 months. how is that even possible?), but jess and mine could be submitted.

zj and i left earlier cos we had to rush back to school to go to the it coop @ LT26 to settle stuff for our laptop. I went to collect my laptop battery (and yaay, it lasts for about 5 hours now, instead of the pathetic 1 hour before that.. ) then since i told him it would be covered under warranty (Read: GRATUIT. FREE. MIAN FEI. MIAN LUI. i’m sorry those are all the languages i know of), so he went to replace his battery and his keyboard..

and then i look at my own keyboard.. and i wonder how much dust i’ve collected over the years… *shudders*

went to yih to eat sucky food, so that it was more convenient for my flu jab later on when uhwc is open.

then went to it coop to get a mike (for the house com, in order for my parents to skype with me), and then to yih (since the big hoohah about them crediting into the wrong account, i went to submit a withdrawal of giro form), and guess who i saw???

JO!!!!

hahha. we had a great time chatting, since we haven’t met for ages, ever since the whole insa/upmc big hoohah.

(everything’s a big hoohah these days)

settled one thousand and one stuff, thanks to the free phone and free coms there. and taught jo how to use the streetview function of googlemaps, looked at korea photos of w, searched for where ecp is, gushed over the sainte foys, etcetc before i proceeded to uhwc to get the flu jab and some trachisans to bring over.

hmm my arm is aching :(

yet again.

haish.

my insomnia is terrible. i don’t even feel a bit sleepy at all. but i’ve got a whole day ahead of me tomorrow. got to make visa, then head to school to collect laptop battery, get flu jab, take more id photos, maybe head up to you-know-where to make some noise about our money (since j didn’t get hers either), get travel insurance, buy some new year goodies to bring over, then call uob to check on status of the card..

bleah.

well done, at this rate, i wouldn’t be suffering from jet lag or difficulty in adjusting my body to the time difference, because it’s 730pm over in paris now. perfectly normal time to stay awake.

hmm at this rate my sore throat is never gonna heal.

and i’m still feeling so so so so down :(

i’ve called sta, and it’s not like i can change the departure dates to june anyway. which means i can’t cancel this exchange trip and just go for a eurotrip, because if i want to do so.. i would have to forfeit this ticket and get a new one :(

so.. oh well, i had better read up on my french then. shall bring along my campus to read on the train and during the transit as well (if it doesn’t bore me to death i guess)

looks like whether i get the 3k or not, i would have to go. well, at least i would get the 8k… by like i have no idea when.

this is probably more help than that phone call anyway. i thought i had an avenue to pour out my soul to.

i can’t believe it. it’s 18 days to my departure and i am still divided being going and not going.

wtf.

i mean, seriously do they have to screw up every single thing? like how many things have they screwed up so far?

1. not confirming the number of places with insa
2. trying to send 15 people over for exchange, when the cohort over there is like 25 per year. and 25 includes EVERYONE.
3. telling us we were bonded, and then we found out that we weren’t. they could have just told us that the “bond” isn’t guaranteed and we could have applied for other unis last time. with modules in english, i might add.
4. not assisting us in our applications to other unis.
5. suddenly forcing us to go for exchange, or pay for breaking the bond
6. crediting my money into a wrong account number
7. refusing to call up the bank to cancel the transfer, when i specially told them that dbs told them to do so, and they said they would sit and wait for the rejection letter instead, and then wait for the money to be back into their account, and then they would giro the money into my mum’s account.

hello? what has gone right i ask you?

NOTHING

really. and i mean it.

i have nothing much settled up to date, really. i mean, besides the stuff that i can do on my part, like getting tickets, setting up bank account to buy bank drafts, etc.

because this is soooooooooo much help that they’re offering.

i should have just skipped all these bloody applications and stayed in singapore, for goodness sake!

i really meant to go to bed. but an hour and a half later, i still can’t sleep! dammit.

shall read up a little on italy i guess.. i think the more i read, the more i feel like going. (but the more i’ll miss my dearie!)

aarrrgghh, why can’t monday 830am come quickly?? i’m practically dying to know where my 11k got transferred to!!!! i seriously have no idea whose account number that is.

plus i still wrote and emailed my account number to them la! how could they get it wrong.

on a sidenote, i wish my deardear was here. my throat is so damn painful and i wish he was here to hug me to sleep………………..

note to self: try to get difflam OTC, ran out of those!

rinse mouth with chlorhexidine tonight..

*ouch*

oh btw hl.. are we still going to meetup with clare? sorry i cancelled on the meetup today cos it was my bro’s birthday :(

damn, i’m reminded of the good old victorian days.. and how we used to go cycling during our 1hr and 55mins break.. and how clare & kt would terrorize us by cutting into our paths so suddenly :(

not like you read my blog (since you’re like TWELVE) but yeah, happy birthday anyway! maybe i should show this to you the next time you use my laptop to play GTA :P

anyway, we had a great brunch today, with dear & my family, eating yummy bak chor mee :) but then, dad forgot to bring his pants out, so that he could get the tailor to alter it! so dear & i had to go back to fetch it… and then it was raining. dammit.

i was trying to find my poncho but i have absolutely no idea where i’ve placed it. however, i did manage to find random stuff like my rifle cleaning kit (like as if i need it now!), my number 4s (although i can’t find my gore-tex!), my boots (which were a great help to mel in sydney), liquid kiwi (which i kindly donated to deardear), solid fuel, gloves & stuff for field camp…

i am seriously a karang-guni.

i don’t even need all these stuff (though i might bring my boots with me cos i might want to do some climbing/trekking), but i guess stuff like those brown shirts, polo tees, black shorts, pt shorts.. kinda make pretty good sleepwear. lol.

i honestly have so much rubbish in my room, which i didn’t really realise until my mum made me pack my room before i leave.. lol.

oops. digressed too much again. oh ya so anyway, we went to my gran’s place, which dear is there for the first time. watched tropic thunder.. which is so hilarious! hope that deardear is comfy being around though :)

went to swensen’s after that to celebrate my bro’s birthday.. and i think my sore throat got worse from the sticky chewy chocolate :( and to think i skipped all the fried/spicy mains, and settled for smoked salmon baked rice.. but i just couldn’t resist ice cream :( and chocolate. and the pile in the fridge bought by dear’s parents will just have to wait till my sore throat goes away… :(

omg, this reminds me of my hopeless attempts to resist gelatos at Annecy, and how we managed to spend like 6euros in 1 hour! ok wait, i think i spent 4euros. but still! who can resist rum & raisin.. and the rum is so so so strong and nice! and melon too! oh-so-refreshing on a hot summer’s day! if i go broke in europe it must be due to gelatos and chocolate. although i have no idea where are the nice gelato places in paris though :(

haish. you know, i’m still have bloody mixed feelings about paris.. even though i know i ought to be just enjoying myself and stop stressing out! but on one hand.. i’m super excited! and on the other hand.. i feel damn guilty!!

arrgghhhhhh!

oh well anyway, i’ll be leaving sgp, terminal 3 at 0220 on 23rd jan.. so i’ll be there around 2359 on 22jan in case you wanna send me off.

on a random note.. i don’t know how to pack my luggage!! it’s either i’m a damn good packer, or i haven’t placed many things in yet.. but apparently, after placing some of my clothes & stuff into my potato bag (i separated out the clothes into both the potato bag & the luggage, in case there’s a luggage loss and i still have clothes to wear).. and my luggage seems.. rather empty.

hmm. why???

i know i haven’t placed stuff like rice cooker (don’t laugh, i need to cook rice there okay! or cous cous!!), foldable pail (which is seriously NOT bulky at all!), chopping sheet, bedsheets, blanket, sleeping bag, some condiments & food… but most of my clothes are in. and i mean… WINTER CLOTHES. and i’m bringing 4/5 coats over.. hmm though i guess my leggings/stockings/high socks/leg warmers don’t really take up too much space…

okay, i’ll just take it that my packing skills are brilliant, since hw’s parents asked me to pack some of their bulky stuff back from oz the other time.. since i had so much empty space left in my potato bag…

either that, or sitting on ziploc bags to force the air out really works.

oh no, my throat is damn painful.. and i think i might be running a fever if i don’t sleep early. shall do a french quiz of the day and then time for bed!

bonne nuit à tous! :)

hello? what is this rubbish?

i received an email from mw, saying that the amount has been credited into ************************

guess what?

i thought it was my mum’s account, since she uses that to pay via giro for my school fees and all..

but NO, it’s NOT.

OMG.

and that account number is not even a proper one, because it has wayyyyy toooo many numbers.

and it looks remotely like my aikido joint account (because i was the treasurer then), but i’ve closed the account in oct 08, after i’ve stepped down. but the digits are a little wrong.

WTF?

i seriously don’t even know whose account did they credit into!?!???

and 8k is not a very small sum at times like this. who knows the person took the money and went to like indo or something, since 8k converted to rupiah is quite a sum of money? he could be like some millionaire in some remote village la!

and the best part?

I FREAKING WROTE MY ACCOUNT NUMBER AND GAVE IT TO THEM, AS WITNESSED BY MY DAD AND MW.

WTFWTFWTF!!!????!!!!

can’t they even do a simple thing? haven’t they already screwed up damn badly, with the whole insa lyon thing?????

and they still haven’t credited the 3k in yet. which has taken THREE FREAKING WEEKS so far.

i am sooooooooooooooooo pissed!

okay, i apologize for that vulgarity, but….

URGHS!

seriously, does she just have to add salt to the wound? yes i’m bloody broke the moment, because my friend was a in paris & couldn’t pay for her air ticket, because she wasn’t here in sgp. so no choice, all of us chipped in to pay for her.. and all ended up broke! what do you mean by i should be selfish and keep the money to myself?

well she’s coming back on 6th jan anyway, and the 8k & 3k should be coming in by monday, so what’s the big fuss?

and i said i would go to the bank to change your passbook for you. need i go early in the morning, so long as i get the job done?

HELLO???

i am doing you a FAVOUR. seriously! you ought to be thankful, instead of hurling vulgarities at me, and saying that i am useless and cannot get anything done.

WTF?

i was doing very important stuff okay! such as settling stuff for my exchange, settling stuff for my research.. i have like ONE THOUSAND AND ONE things to settle before flying, and thank YOU, for adding pain to my migraine, which is already causing my head to split.

i am going out now, to settle the bloody bank stuff for you, afterwhich i shall just WALK AROUND. yes, instead of coming home and listening to you scream at me every single second. even if i can’t buy anything, walking around looking at stuff is much more satisfying, really.

okay, so today is the start of the new year.

well, i don’t feel any different from how i did yesterday, really. i still feel just as useless and clueless as ever. but anyway i decided to write this entry because i got tired of trying to decipher all the french instructions on the various websites.

well 2008 has been a rather eventful year i guess. but just like any other year, life’s always full of ups and downs.

January 2008

Amazing things happened, much to my delight! It was a sweet sweet surprise for me, contrary to the year before because of some incidents. But it was good in a way I guess, it made me realise what a selfish bitch i was (well i’m still quite a bitch at times, i know), and so.. it was good to have the new ME in the new YEAR.

And before school started, I’ve learnt to let my hair down & relax. Okay, maybe not BEFORE school started, but rather, during the first 2 weeks or so, where it was mostly orientation & introduction. I’ve gone to kayak at Chinese Gardens (I never knew that you could kayak prior to that!), caught French films at the Central Library (and the staff refused to believe that we took French and ALMOST didn’t allow us to watch the R21 film, which we received weird stares from the guy behind when the sex scenes were played. but come on, it’s a FRENCH film. does it say anything?)

Oh, and then there was inter-hall games, which made me lose a friend. All because of a stupid relay that I didn’t put her in, and I swam instead. I really regret that decision, and it made me feel so much like a failed captain. If she had told me how much she wanted to swim because she’s graduating at the end of the semester, I would gladly have let her take ALL of my places (okay, maybe except ONE event, otherwise it’s quite silly being the captain and not swimming in any event at all). But, from that very day onwards, I received dagger-like stares from her.. and it’s soooooo awkward, because I’m rather close to her best friends, and I have to manage talking to them without talking to her (well, mainly because she refuses to talk to me anymore, even though I said hi)

For the next few months, however, I don’t think there was anything very exciting happening. I was just trying to cherish every moment that I have with my dear, since he was graduating at the end of the semester. But I’ve learnt the meaning of trust & respecting privacy. I’m not perfect, but I do try my best.

I remembered that eventful Valentine’s day though, whereby we totally walked by the place without realising that.. and spent so much time walking around Botanic gardens.. only to realise that place is closed for the day. However, we did manage to have a good meal at Cluny Court, somewhere called Karma Kettle & Rhapsody.

Then came May 2008, when he had finished his course at NUS. Boy, were the days different after that! It sure felt weird not being able to see each other every day and every night, or walk to the dining hall together to get our meals, or studying at the same table in his or my room, or slipping neon orange post it notes under the door, or him waking me up by coming into my room and giving me a big hug while i was still lying on the bed…

But other than HW, i still missed the company of people like Ann as well, where we could have countless chats together.. and we had EXACTLY the same modules so we practically went everywhere together (except sometimes we’re in different groups for a module), and she was like my bestest companion in hall (after dear of course!)

Of course, there were other people that I missed.. but I didn’t spend as much time with them, and I didn’t have as much telepathy with them (like both HW & Ann can TOTALLY read my mind).. and well there’s no need to have a huge quantity of friends. It’s just the quality that matters.

And so, the new term started. I began shutting from home to school, which took about an hour and a half (well you have to factor in jams, delays due to rain, etcetc).. and discovered how to walk from buona vista to nus (and saved on transport and time, since 95 is IMPOSSIBLE to get on during peak hours and i don’t want to wait THREE buses before i can board the bus).

I took like FIVE FREAKING CORE MODULES, which was so damn damn heavy, and probably made my CAP suffer. I only took those modules because a lot of them were pre-requisites for my modules at INSA…

which we got rejected by INSA.

and thought that we were NOT going to insa.. and we settled with that decision…

only to receive countless emails, and a big hiatus later.. we got accepted by UPMC.. and i was really happy until….

….

And then joo came, and the Movie Clique met up, post-christmas. and it made me feel like i want to go back to JC all over again…

WOW.

it’s been quite a year, indeed.

And I thank God for the good friends that I’ve had around, who’ve accompanied through my ups and downs. Nx, Joo, Hl, Ann, YL, HW.. i thank you all!

Happy new year!